Hi

I am so pissed. 

Hi! It's been a year since my last blog entry and I'm no longer sure where my head is at-- I had so many plans for Bulgogian Soul when I started, but after graduating from the uni I no longer found time to write for this blog.

Louisse, that's been your excuse for years now.

Yeah, I know. Okay, that was just a lame excuse.

To be honest, I just gradually "lost" it. Maybe my heart was just not that into it anymore at the time.

After graduation, I had this two/three-year period where I was just not interested in anything other than performing well at work. Work consumed most of my time, and later on consumed me.

At that time, I felt so apologetic to myself for not having time for myself.

Sorry. Everything I just said was an excuse. I was the only one to blame.

The thing is, the older you get, the more confusing life gets. It also does not help that your self-set expectations grow along with you.

I still think it's my fault.

I  was surrounded with people who would tell me how bad my skin was, how fat I got over the weekend, and how chaotic my Instagram feed looked. I was in an environment where your best just won't cut it.

It was my fault for allowing myself to be in that situation. It was also my choice to turn a blind eye and to not listen to what other people say, but I didn't. Constructive criticism is good, but there's a fine line between giving other people healthy criticism and being an ass and stepping on other people.

I realized a few months after, thanks to a bunch of good people I know, that the best thing to do is to do you. Never say no to growth and change. Go for what makes your heart happy. Don't let go of your passion.

At the end of the day, people will always have something to say. It's all up to you to filter everything and use what's been said to you to your advantage.

A few things that happened while I was away...

I graduated with Latin honors (yay! lol). I know it's nothing compared to other people's achievements, but I really, really, really worked my ass off and I'm really proud of it. I had a lot of both good and bad times at the uni with some regrets on the side, but life goes on doesn't it?

Blog partner (also a friend for 9-10 years) is now my boyfriend. Haha!

I'm currently freelancing/managing a small clothing online shop/trying to build my own fashion line for two years now. Still haven't launched it officially, but I just sold my first piece when I posted a few photos on Instagram! Yay!

I was able to go back to Seoul. I was there once in 2017, twice in 2018. It still breaks my heart that I wasn't able to go this 2019.

This year has been the most stressful, most emotional year by far.

My 23rd year was the most interesting year so far. I had my first drink, my first promotion, dressed up a few celebrities, stayed up and out until 1 am, celebrated Christmas outside of the country, and I was also able to try a cigarette (I didn't like it, by the way).

What prompted me to write this post...

Two friends casually brought up how they missed reading my posts here. I'm not sure if I have any content worth reading in the first place, but thank you for helping me get back into something I love.

ALSO, I just spent an hour and a half trying to post some photos on Instagram and they were just not loading properly! If I was still blogging, I wouldn't have to squeeze photos onto my feed all the time, I thought. So here I am.

Will I be writing more consistently/Will I be posting more often?

I don't know. I might, I might not. Hopefully I can from time to time.

So what's next?

Hopefully something helpful! Haha. I wouldn't want to dump all my thoughts here all the time since I have an intended separate medium for that.

Anyway, thanks for reading!

x

Louisse